Honestly blessed.

There are so many things here in Jaco that warm my heart. Sometimes I wonder why God chose to bless me so much. I am blessed every morning when I see the many smiles of the students I work with. I am so blessed by their imagination, creativity, and play. There is a little boy named Delvin who makes me laugh so hard I want to fall out of my chair. Last week he was drawing and coloring with my friend Lisa. The theme was animals and natural resources. Lisa soon discovered that helping a small Costa Rican boy draw animals is difficult if you don’t actually understand him or the language. Delvin, being a bright young boy, decided to translate himself for Lisa as best as he could. He said the name of the animal, acted it out, and mimicked the noise of that animal. This was especially humorous for me because I understood which animal he said before he made the noise. He pretended to be a “pajaro” (by flapping his arms like he was flying,) oinked like a “cerdo", and quacked like a “pato.” You should have seen his face when I asked him what sound a giraffe makes. Every day Delvin makes me laugh and I am so blessed by the laughs we share. Every morning I ride my bike past the most beautiful valley. Sometimes I like to think God made it just for me. It’s so green and in the morning the sun hits it just right and it is simply breathtaking. I love seeing it every day and am reminded of just how much God loves me. A few days ago one of my students Debony asked the teacher if we could have “good morning hugs.” We were sitting in a circle and each child was supposed to take a turn hugging the child on their left. When my turn came to be hugged ALL of the children jumped out of their seats to hug me and tell me good morning. I was so filled with joy. What a wonderful start to my morning. Very few times has my heart felt so warm or loved. This morning we made horse masks. We colored them, cut them out, and tied string to the sides so they would stay in place. Most of the children galloped when they put their masks on. Some just made funny faces. But not Brandon. Brandon put on his mask and proceeded to moo. He wore his horse mask and mooed all morning. It was hysterical. I was enjoying it far too much to teach him how to neigh. It is things like these short stories that reassures just how blessed I really am. There is so much joy around me. There are so many things that truly warm my heart.

But of course, not everything here warms my heart. The fact that I spent Sunday afternoon cleaning with my roommates because our house was INFESTED with maggots did not warm my heart. The heat and constant uncomfortable sweating does not warm my heart. I find my mind full of nagging thought and doubts about my finances or lack thereof. Always wondering if I can really afford to do this. My fatigue, tiredness, and discouragement do not warm my heart. The sheer quantity of all the messed up stuff here in Jaco is so overwhelming. What can I even do? Where could I even start? The dissatisfaction and frustration I feel with myself because I find myself feeling frustrated and discouraged does not warm my heart. I get so down on myself so much for getting frustrated. Why can’t I speak the language? Why can’t I understand them? Why can’t I be more patient? Why am I so tired and discouraged? Why am I not better? A better Christian? A better missionary? A better person? These thoughts do not warm my heart. In fact sometimes, some days, I feel like they’re all I see. And I am no pessimist. I love joy and I love being joyful. And I think is why I am so blessed. Not because I deserve it, but just because God loves me. And my heart is warm. And although I struggle and get frustrated, I am reminded of why I’m here every time I hear a silly boy in a horse mask moo. I am reminded of the joy Lord. This is not a “poor me”or a “Debbie-downer” blog entry. This is a real blog entry. This is an honest blog entry. Because this is my life. And sometimes I need a written reminder that my blessings exceed my struggles.  Maybe you needed a written reminder too. And I hope this helps.

Philippians 4:4-7 "Always be full of joy in the Lord. I say it again—rejoice! Let everyone see that you are considerate in all you do. Remember, the Lord is coming soon.Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus."