I really liked this week. Leslie Freeman was our speaker and the subject was Child Development. Leslie is Scott's wife (last week's speaker) and she will also be helping out with my outreach in Jaco, Costa Rica. I had no idea studying child development would be interesting. Just saying. It just didn't sound like my cup of tea. However, I really engaged in this week and asked a plethora of questions. We covered many topics but Leslie started her teaching off by asking this question: What do we consider a fully developed child (not necessarily physically)? Just soak that in a minute. I'm not sure if there is a "correct" answer (I'm pretty sure there is a wrong one) but what came to your mind? I answered the question by saying something like, "a mature, self confident individual who feels prepared for the world and is ready to become a parent themselves." Take what you want from that. But the point she was getting to was, "Are you fully developed? Have you achieved those qualities that came to your mind? Are you there yet? What do you need to work on?" We cannot hope to help and work with children if we have not matured. You cannot help a child with something that you are still struggling with. For example, a pathological liar has no right to tell a child what the importance of honesty is and that lying is bad. Makes sense, right? You following me? Smelling what I'm stepping in? Mathew 7:3-4 says, "Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?' How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye?'" Ok, how 'bout a controversial example. Something to shake things up a bit. Leslie gave this example, what do we do when a child says, "Gimme!!!"? Often times we snap at them and demand a please and thank you. But how often are we this polite ourselves? Be honest. I'm not trying to convey that children should not be taught manners. But she gave this example of how we can be so disrespectful towards children. What happens if your friend says, "Hey, can I have a cookie?" Do you say, "Say please and thank you!"? Of course not. We give them a cookie. We respect our friend. So why don't we also show children respect? Are they not people as well? With feelings? I think so. And think about it. If we show disrespect to a child, what do they learn? Disrespect. Children are like mirrors. They act out what they see and what has been demonstrated in front of them. Just like monkey-see, monkey-do. Point is, respect gets respect and if you want respectful children you have to respect them first. We need to change our thinking and realize that kids are worth it. We cannot downplay their importance. They should be the focus of all our attention and the most important thing in our lives. You may be saying to yourself, "Oh, I'm not guilt of that. I work with kids. Or, I'm a parent. I know it all." Are you sure? Let's be detectives. How 'bout a test? If you've ever said one of these following comments--you've got a ways to go. Even if you've never said one, I know you've heard it. I've heard all of these.
You Will Hear Voices.
"Put him down or you'll spoil him."
"You don't have to meet all of your baby's needs."
"She's just trying to get your attention."
"She's so demanding!"
"He's just a baby; he doesn't have feelings like sadness or loneliness or fear."
"He knows how to get what he wants!"
"She's just crying for nothing. I just fed her and changed her. She's fine."
"Crying it out may be painful for a few days, but after that, it's worth it."
"Holding her all the time isn't good for her. It creates too much dependency."
"Picking him up every time he cries will makes him cry to get picked up."
"Don't go to her at night. She'll never learn to sleep on her own."
"Never bring him to bed with you!"
"Breastfeeding is a hassle."
"She's a little diva!"
"I can tell he's going to give you a run for your money!"
"Uh oh! She's going to be trouble."
"He has you wrapped around his little baby finger already..."
"Just wait until the terrible two's..."
"You can't give in to every whim!"
"Let her cry for a few minutes before you jump to her rescue."
"You will have no life. Just wait and see."
"Forget about sleeping. You are setting yourself up for problems for years to come..."
"Too much attachment is bad. He needs to know where the line is drawn from an early age, or else he'll take advantage of everything he can later on."
"Make your baby as independent as possible as early as possible. You'll be thankful you did."
"Babies are resilient. They'll adapt."
"They won't remember anything..."
-Lu Hanessian
Isn't it sad that this is what our culture has taught us? Let's focus on one of these for just a moment. How bout crying it out? How about letting a child cry until they fall asleep? Why do we think its better to leave a child in their crib until they've exhausted themselves from their tears? Is that how God intended? Being honest, I've put a crying kid in bed before. That's what I thought was normal. But is there a better way? Leslie says that she has never left a child to cry themself to sleep (she has four boys.) No matter their age. What if we put our desires aside for a moment and put our children's needs first? What if we missed the first moments of our favorite TV show to comfort a cry and desperate child? Could we sacrifice some of our own rest if we knew it was best for our kids? Would we be willing to put "life" aside for a few precious moments in order to calm down a sleepy kid? Would we be willing to sit and comfort a child until their tears subsided? No matter how long it took? I'm not writing this to condemn anyone. It's just food for thought and encouragement to start respecting kids. Children only cry when they feel distressed. Sometimes we blame it on their malicious and manipulative behavior. That they are crying to make us angry or annoyed. That they are crying because they are manipulating us to get what they want. Um... where did we get this idea? They cry because they are hungry, or soiled, or maybe just because they love you and want to be near you. Manipulation takes a lot of intelligence. Children are not capable of manipulation until a much older age. They do not have the cognitive ability to be manipulative or malicious. I told you this week was interesting!! There is so much to learn! And I haven't even mentioned any of the growing stages! Is that what you were anticipating? Too bad. I find this more interesting. It is so important that before we make assumptions we do thorough research. We need to know what children are actually capable of and what their real needs are. There are oodles and oodles of books you can read on this stuff! You could get a PhD in it. Doesn't that spark your interest? I am personally really excited to be a mom one day and study and learn more on child development! Yay!
Quote of the week: "There is no single effort more radical in its potential for saving the world than a transformation of the way we raise our children." -Marianne Williamson
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